Beast Boy and the Evil Demon Chicken Pox
by AllSixesAndSevens
Summary: The name says it all. No plot, not point, but it itches like hell.


Beast Boy and the Evil Demon Chicken Pox

A Plot Without Point that, for once, has no lemons. Just oatmeal. For Heather.

0000000

"WHY did you have to run off into _deep_ space, instead of just the normal kind!"

"I am filled with sorrow for this illness that I have caused!" Starfire declared as she looked down at the pitiful green child, who was sobbing, wailing, and scratching himself madly.

"It's not her fault, Beast Boy. And you don't even know that you wouldn't have gotten sick if you hadn't gone with us."

"Yeah, quit bitching, BB. And stop scratching, too, before you hit bone!" his larger companion sighed. Cyborg had been slapping his arms all day for scratching his poxed flesh in a frenzic manner. Beast boy only whined more.

"But it _itches!_"

"You're just going to make it worce if you don't stop," Robin commented.

Raven was sitting on the far side of the livingroom, quiet as always. Being the little sadist she was, she couldn't help but be morbidly amused by the annoyance's predicament. The boy seemed incapable of holding still, and driven to madness by the chickenpox he swore he picked up at one of the planets they'd recently returned from. They had, of course, dragged him to the doctors office (tooth and nail - he was as bad as any pet), who had assured them it was equivalent to the normal human virus and should be taken care of as thus. But the green lad claimed the mere scent of calimine lotion sickened him and refused to even try it, just like he refused to stop scratching.

"Why don't you ductape his hands together?" she cooly suggested. A wicked grin burst across Cyborg's face, and with a soft smirk Robin added, "Tape his feet, too. He'll most likely resort to them next."

"What! NO! Wait, dude, come on-!" Beast Boy frantically stammered as Cyborg pinned him to the couch he was curled up on. Robin merely hopped to the cubbords, returning the next moment with a roll of tape, cutting a lengthy strip with his teeth.

"And you know, taping his mouth wouldn't hurt either," Raven mused. Through two snickering teens, Beast Boy glared momentarily at her before realizing he should be focusing on not being taped up. Cyborg had already seized his wrists, and Robin bound all of the fingers of each hand together, producing a large, plastic wads on each.

"Stop it, guys! You're gunna kill me! I. Will. DIE! If I can't scratch!" the boy screamed, flailing his feet madly, but to no avail. Within moments, they too were wads of tape.

"And if you morph out of 'em," Cyborg warned, "We'll have to do something _worce_."

But Beast Boy was already sobbing, screaming at the top of his lungs. "What am I supposed to do now? It's itches soooooo bad, I'm gunna... AUGGGHH! GOD!"

WIth this, he flipped off of the couch, running in a stumbled circle to get his barings, eventually resoting to hands and knees. Even in his human form, this was easy for him, and he scuttled over to the nearest piece of furniture and rubbing himself agaisnt it, desprate for relief.

"Is this.. a normal human medical procedure?" Starfire, who'd been curiously watching this whole time from a safe distance, tilted her head.

"Sure it is," Cyborg assured casually, waving a hand and walking away. "I'm gunna go back to work on fixin' the sub now."

"Take him with you," Raven commanded. Beastboy was still frantically rubbing a bare shoulder on the corner of the couch, making all sorts of unhappy noises.

"_I_ don't want 'em. You take him, Robin, you've already had chicken pox."

"I... I have to train. I'm not going to be able to keep an eye on him," the other quickly protested, then darting from the room.

"... Must _I_ sit on him like a child?" Starfire inquired, still watching Beast Boy.

Raven huffed a sigh. "No... just... send him off to his room. Beast boy, go to sleep."

"Bed. Go to bed, boy," Cyborg commanded as if his friend were a dog. The green child growled and wailed, feeling betrayed and rejected, and eventually scurried from the room cursing at them all.

"Will you stop moving?"

Robin only gave him that disgruntled, slightly disturbed look he had been the last few minutes. Beast Boy just crawled back up against him again, and, in a terrible invasion of personal space, went back to rubbing his neck on the buckle of Robin's belt. When he took yet another large step away, the green lad managed to catch himself from a face plant, then giving a wail before tackling the boy. Which failed, due to Robin's ninja-skills.

"Come ON! What do you expect me to do, when all you give me is THESE?" He branished the taped stumps on all of his limbs. Robin just watched apathetically, finally taking a bite of the hotdog he'd come out after. Beast Boy cried for another few moments. "Could you at least help me get out of this, so I can scratch against the walls and couch and stuff?"

Robin choked slightly on hotdog chunks. "Sadly to say, I'm absolutly unwilling to strip you down."

Beast Boy blushed brightly. "That's not what I ment, dammit! Wait! No! Robin, please! Help me! MERCY!"

But the elder youth had turned away, making a hasty exit out of the hall. WIth a sigh, Beast Boy glanced around. He'd already managed to chase everyone off, except for Starfire. Certainly _she_ would take pity on him. In a clutzy, pathetic stumble, he ran himself to her door, and battered on it madly. WHen no reply came, he scuttled around the tower, finding her attempting to convince the tv to change channels without the remote.

"STARFIRE!"

The girl startled, falling out of the air. "Beast Boy? What ever is the matter? Tell me what danger there is!"

Tears in his eyes, the youth rolled and begged before her, on hands and knees. "I'm gunna _die!_"

The alien gasped in horror. "No! Whatever from? How may I be of help?"

"Just help me get out of my shirt! It's sufficating me! I can hardly breath!" He gave a dozen hyperventalating gasps for effect. "Oh... God! Everythings getting... dark!"

"NO! I will save you! Dearest Blorchoch, just don't become dead!" With much hast, the girl propped a foot on his stomach and tore Beast Boy's shirt from him. Though he rolled backwards in the overabundance of effort, the boy gasped and began writhing on the carpet. The scratchy surface provided some relife to his rashed skin, and he pushed himseld along the floor with a blissful mewl.

"Umm... you are welcome..?" Starfire asked, cocking an eyebrow, highly confussed by the boy's behavior. She went ignored. After about five minutes of Beast Boy immitating one of the three stooges, she got bored and floated off to find something better to do.

"Oh GOD, that stuff smells! Let me go!"

Cyborg grunted, tightening his grip on the boy. The rest of the team had finally gotten fed up with him rubbing his every body part against either a piece of furniture, the floor, or their own bodies. Everything was begining to get that slightly animalistic, slightly boy-spice smell of Beast Boy. And eveyone was tired of his whining. "I told you, if you just used this, it would stop itching. And now you've gone and gotten rug burns on top of everything."

"But it SMELLS!"

"It's not that bad - you'll get used to it," Robin assured.

"I think it smells like Glanian flowers! And we promise, it's for your own health!" Starfire agreed. She held the cotton swab with the pink, detested liquid, and gently dabbed it onto Beast Boy's rawed cheek.

"Augh GOD! IT BURNS! AHHH!"

"Shut yer firggen trap!" Cyborg snapped. Beast Boy was quiet for a moment, before going back to crying.

"Shh, shh, shh! It's okay!" Starfire hugged his head, caressing his tussled, dirty hair. Since he'd had a fever on and off for the last two days, it was thick with sweat, but she didn't mind.

"Just settled down, and we'll finish faster." But as Robin placed his own swab over another pox, Beast Boy screamed at the top of his over-dramatic lungs, flailing madly. The bottle flew from the green-gloved hand, dumping the contents onto his bare, rawed chest. The room was silent for a long moment, as the cool liquid spilled over green and red skin and onto the kitchen floor beneath. Everyone was waiting for it, but even with their ears plugged by their fingers, when Beast Boy let out his blood-curtling shreik, everyone's eardrums cringed.

Then suddenly he was silent, an apple clogging his mouth that glowed a faint black. Raven stood scowling a few feet away. "I'm getting tired of this. What if we just gave him an oatmeal bath?"

"Oatmeal bath?" Cyborg echoed, confussed.

Robin's face, however, lit up. "Of course! And since we just went shopping, we should have enough. Good thinking."

"How bill 'dat wook?" Beast Boy grunted around apple-glogged teeth. His face was flushed, and tears streaked his eyes. "Iz jus oa-meal"

"Trust me," the elder raven-haired boy assured. Cyborg just shrugged and plucked the green and pink-splattered boy, slinging him over his shoulder and ignoring the complaints. The other three carried the supplies, and in only half an hour, Beast Boy was quiet for the first time in forty-eight hours.

"Robin?" Beast Boy called in a sickly-sweet voice. He was lounged on the loveseat in the corner of the living room, having calmed down quite a bit as of late - enough for them to convince him to get some rest. He still had a reaccuring fever, though since it was the fourth day, they were just waiting for it to break. His cheeks were a bit darkened for the time being.

"Yes?"

"Will you run me another bath?"

"... You've had six already today."

"So?"

"There isn't any oatmeal _left_."

Beast Boy blinked at him stupidly. "... Will you run me a bath?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because there is. no. oatmeal. left," Robin sighed, growing exasperated.

"Why not?" the youth whined, which was _really_ becoming a strain on the leader's nerves.

"Because you used it all."

"Why?"

"Because you said you were itchy."

"Why?"

"Because you have the chicken pox," he growled, turning to leave. This was certainly pointless - the boy was dillusional with fever.

"...Why?"

"Because you do."

"Oh... Wait! Wait, Robin, come back. Will you run me a bath?"

"AUGH!" With a wail and flailing arms, Robin slammed the door behind him.

"What's his problem?" Beast Boy asked aloud. He was alone in the room again, and he felt a bit lonely. And itchy. Oh so itchy. He couldn't stand the sensation of his flesh crawling and prickling unhappily, and even though he was getting used to walking on the fresh stumps he had for hands and feet, he still would bang the lumps of tape against himself in desperation for relieve. Right now, it was across his chest, snaking up his neck and around his pointed ears. He flailed madly, punching himself around the head, hoping the slap would relive at least some of the strain. It didn't, and he managed to fall over. It was about that time he decided he was overheating, with the blanket twisted about his waist, and really itchy. He wanted to take a bath. So the only logical thing was to strip down and find someone who could turn the faucets for him. He wiggled, squirmed, and kicked his way out of his spandex pants - quite a difficult, frustrating, and tiring feat that he normally wouldn't even have tried. But now that that was done, he decided to find company - Cyborg being the first in mind.

The said teen was leaning into the engine when Beast Boy crawled through the doors. He glanced up, saw a flash of a green mop with pointy ears sticking out, and looked back down at his precious submarine. "Arn't you supposed to be resting?"

The smaller boy flung his naked, speckled form against Cyborg, rubbing a small, human nose agaisnt his cheek in eskimo kisses. "Bathe meeeee!" He groaned.

Cyborg flailed slightly in a greasy mess, begining to scold the boy for being out of bed when his jaw dropped. He flung Beast Boy off of him mercilessly. "AUGH! WHY ARE YOU NAKED!"

"Because I need a bath," the other stated, pulling himself up out of the crumpled position he was in against the wall.

"Robin said there wasn't any-GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" He shouted, holding up a robotic hand to shield him from the view.

"But Cy! Please? I'm itchy!"

"And NAKED! Now GO!"

Beast Boy pouted a pup-ish whine, but when Cyborg began to nudge him out with an unfeeling steel toe, he took the hint and scuttled from the room. He tried to find any other beings, but Robin was long gone and Starfire had gone out for food. The only one left was the one who hated him the most, but he figured it was worth a shot.

"Raven?" He said meekly, rapping at the girls door. There was a hearty sigh from within, and there was a definate glare on her features when she answered the door. Which instantly turned into shock.

"Will you bathe me?" He asked, with huge puppy eyes, already welling with tears. But as he crawled closer, close enough he nuzzeled a cheek against his teamates leg, she kicked him away with a cry and slammed the door in his face.

"God dammit! Why is everyone mean to me?" The green lad was finally getting fed up with this, and began tearing with canine, then hyena teeth, at the ductape casts, eventually getting them off and running to make his own bath.

"Guess what, guys!" Beast Boy sang as he strolled proudly into the living room the next morning. Everyone winced, but for once he wasn't whining and, after sneaking peeks, he was finally dressed again. "My fevers gone, and I'm not itchy anymore! I'm gettin' better!"

"Good for you!" Robin congradulated, a bit too distracted with the video game before him.

"About damn time," Cyborg grunted, trying to make sure Robin was put back in his place virtually.

"Congradulations! Shall we celebrate his wellness?" Starfire, who sat between the two youths trilled. She grinned at Beast Boy as he wandered down the steps, only then noticing a very unhappy looking Raven. Even worce than usual.

"Good mornings?" she said softly. Beast Boy glance behind him, he was instantly pimp-slapped across the face. And outcry lept in his throat, but when he glanced up he was paralyzed with a dark, venomous glare. Raven had a constellation of chicken pox spreading from her contaminated knee up her half-cloaked body.

"I.. am going.. to kill you."

_Fin._


End file.
